Emily Volman

Going Backwards Before Going Forward: The Musical

Written by Emily on December 28, 2009 – 9:14 pm -

Since 2009 is almost over and we're all gearing up for a brand new decade, it made me think about how many decades I've been alive. After cutting myself mercilessly in a hot bath, I pulled myself together and put the paper down. It had gotten too wet to do any real damage anyway. As a typical "tail end" Gen-Xer, my favorite decade thus far is the 80's. Those were my prime childhood years....which is to say that if I had been a teen or adult in the 80's, I would probably still have a cocaine addiction. (No offense Robert Downey, Jr.) In drifting down memory lane with myself, I remembered that somewhere buried deep in my garage are a very select group of vinyl records that I've kept all these years. I didn't recall which ones they were, but I knew they meant enough to keep this particular lot. SO, I dug through box after box of vinyl records that were mainly relics of my husband's youth and rock days...and finally found these gems**. My MOST IMPORTANT sensory flashbacks...that shaped me into who I am today. 11) Martika's "Toy Soldiers"

Who can forget the rough & tumble "tall" orphan in the movie version of Annie who went on to be the rough & tumble "tall" girl on Kids Incorporated? Sadly, plenty of people. This was Martika's (nee Marta Marrero) only real hit...but it won her enough international success to afford a decent Latin music career. However, the success must not have been too great because she changed her name to Vida Edit this year and is starring in a web series called J8ded. ...And she probably would like to kick Fergie's ass. 10) Waterfront's "Cry" Believe or not, the band Waterfront (from the U.K.) had a Top 10 hit in the US with this single entitled "Cry" in 1989, but I sure as hell don't remember it playing anywhere.  I always assumed I was the coolest 7 year old around by listening to a little-known British pop band. Unfortunately, this was their ONLY Top 10 hit....UK, US or otherwise.  But they haven't given up these last 20 years! They are currently in the studio recording a new album with an adult contemporary/ alternative country vein. 9) Wet Wet Wet's Popped In Souled Out

Well, Waterfront wasn't the only British-pop-band-that-starts-with-a-W I was into, apparently! I attribute this fascination (or even knowledge of existence) to the fact that my next door neighbors were British. The Broomheads. That was their name. They were very British. They also introduced me to Fraggle Rock (mainly because they got the "good" cable), Adam Ant and the Little Miss books.  The Broomheads also had a cool trapeze swing.  None of this pertains to Wet Wet Wet whatsoever.

8) The Smurfs All Star Show

As anyone who has known me for the last 20 years can tell you, I don't get into cartoons.  MTV was the undoing of my childhood. Once I caught a glimpse of "hooligans prancing around in their underwear" (as my mom would complain), cartoons were LAME.  However, I was a mere seven years old when The Smurfs appeared on television...three years before Ted Turner could start rotting my brain with MTV.....and I LOVED The Smurfs! I will always cherish this album (which I find myself singing every so often) and my Smurfette shrinky dinks.

7) Chris de Burgh's "Don't Pay The Ferryman"

While he might be best known for his #1 single "The Lady In Red," the only song I ever cared about was this 1982 non-hit (it only made it to #48) "Don't Pay The Ferryman." Sure, I was only 8 years old...but what a great song about death to dance to in my bedroom!

6) Sesame Street Fever

Everybody had this one! But that doesn't make it any less special! This 1978 disco inferno featured the classics "C is for Cookie" and "Rubber Ducky," but my favorites were "Doin' The Pigeon" (Bert did know how to make the girls swoon) and "Has Anybody Seen My Dog?"

5) Julian Lennon's "Valotte"

Let me be frank here: I have no eff'ing idea why I own this 1984 single. I don't even remember how this song goes. BUT I was a huge fan of his other single from this same album called "Too Late For Goodbyes." I could sing it for you now, if you asked. So why do I have the lesser single "Valotte?" Beats the shit out of me.

4) Rebbie Jackson's "Centipede"

As the oldest of the Jackson kids, Rebbie didn't have much of a chance to out-shine her cute younger siblings, but she managed to get to #4 with this 1984 single.  On a highly disturbing note, I was very sexy when I slinked around on the floor to this as a 10 year old. Or at least I thought I was. It was that evil MTV, I tell ya! With lyrics such as "Like a centipede that's hot/ The fire is in your touch/ Just like a centipede you've got/ A lot of lovin' to touch" how could I not be forever tainted... 3) Fonzie Favorites

This album came out when I was 2. It sort of makes me wonder why I owned it, but it may have been my mom's and I just inherited it. Either way, I wore this sucker OUT! I absolutely loved Happy Days (and its subsequent spin-offs Laverne & Shirley, Mork & Mindy and Joanie Loves Chachi), but this odd little album was basically just a compilation of Oldies....with the occasional Fonz reference (such as the A Side "Impressionist Track" with all of Fonzie's phrases set to music). BUT it introduced me to some of the best lesser-known songs of the 50's like "Charlie Brown," "Bird Dog," "You Talk Too Much," and "Silhouettes," which impressed my husband when  I first met him. (Although, now that he's finding out I learned them from a Happy Days album, I might lose my luster.)

Incidentally, this record is technically in my collection, but it will NEVER play again. During one of my mother's numerous summer garage sales, she insisted I set up my portable record player outside to play music. By the end of the day, this record had curled into a lovely bowl with a hole in the bottom. Whadayagonnado....*Aaaaaaay*

2) Reader's Digest - Popular Music Hit Parade

This goofy box set was definitely my mom's originally. In fact, she may have insisted I play it at the beginning, but damn if those up-with-people-esque-singers don't get to you after a while! While this touts having "122 All Time Favorites," I only really cared about one: Tequila.  Imagine 40+ lame-ass choir people singing "du du du du du du" a capella to finally reach the big chorus where they all conservatively scream "TEQUILA!" Then go right back to "du du"ing the instrumental part. Two words: Awe. Some.

1) Taco's "Puttin' On The Ritz"

Yep, you guessed it! I DID save the best for last!!

This 1982 masterpiece cover of Irving Berlin's 1929 movie musical classic is...um...  Well, you know, it's weird and kind of stupid, but I LOVED IT!  Not only did I sport my gold glitter derby and umbrella while acting out every word, I even made up my own tap routine to go with the shoe-instrumental-bridge-thing in the middle. Man, I was GOOD, too! I liked performing this so much that it lasted WAY in to high school whenever any of my friends came over. Come to think of it, I may even video said spectacle and put on youtube! Take that!

---------------------------------

Well, that's it.  That's my cherished collection.  I do still have all my Beatles albums, the Broadway soundtrack for Annie and many "cooler" vinyl albums from my later years of discovering New Wave, but those aren't that funny.

**As I look back at this particular list, I realize they were all pretty silly....but in my defense, I was an only child, thus having no guidance from older/cooler kids. I had to entertain myself a lot.

What entertained you when no one was watching? (musically speaking, that is....)