Emily Volman

Welcome to my stories…or: The Backstory on the stories

Written by Emily on October 19, 2009 – 5:29 pm -

Preface Like 86.7% of America ¹, I sometimes want to be wealthy, famous and adored-by-all. I only tell you this right off the bat so you can immediately feel better about yourself for wanting the same OR think you're better than me for not caring in the least of such triviality. We've all seen what being wealthy, famous and adored-by-all gets you. Sometimes it's first-class service, sometimes it's annoying and sometimes it makes you feel lower than the most anonymous person in the world. Since I have been on the peripheral of all those, my stories contain wealthy, famous and adored people, as well as those of which you've never heard. But, mainly, my stories are probably just like the stories you'd write about your own life. And, just as in your life, you've been scared, embarrassed, aroused, saddened, thrilled, angered, maybe vomitous and definitely bored. I have always thought of myself as nauseatingly normal, yet in every instance where I have tried to be like everyone else, my choices/thoughts/life have veered me against the "should." Several years ago, I began to compile my stories for a memoir I was going to entitle "Just Another Memoir; Stories of a Girl Who Looks Like Someone You Know." But I am a fatalist, and I know there is no way anyone would care about publishing this shit. So I'm putting them on my website...for lurkers who hang out at libraries for the free internet. ENJOY! **For best results: I use footnotes alot....as you can see below. I refer to my husband, Mark, in many of my stories, but he wanted to be known as “Rodolfo.” Don’t ask me why. However, that’s too long to type every time, so I will call him “Rod.” Although I want you to know, I would’ve never married someone named “Rod.” But if your name is Rod, please don’t be insulted as I’m sure you’re VERY nice and handsome. All stories are self-contained and are not listed chronologically or purposefully. Read none, read 'em all. I won't know the difference.